Strangely, it isn’t common amongst couples to have a conversation about sex. They are either too shy or uncomfortable to do it or they don’t even think of talking about it. Conversation about sex might sometimes feel embarrassing or demeaning but it is in fact the opposite. Talking about something means you both care about it and are willing to listen about each other’s personal experiences with it. A lot of you even wonder what is there to even talk about sex. Oh, there is plenty! You can (and you should) talk about the birth control methods, about each other’s sexual pleasure and how to reach there, about how frequently you’d like sex, about your personal boundaries, your desire, and so on. While conversation about sex is very important in a relationship, it is to be done with utmost care and sensitivity. So here’s how you can effectively have a conversation about sex and the kind of sex you have or want to have with your partner.
When Should You Talk About Sex?
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Ideally, there is no “when”. You can talk about it when you strongly feel the need to and you know that your partner is in a position to have such a discussion. Do not bring up a conversation about sex in middle of a fight or in middle of a totally different conversation. That’d not end up well. A lot of people believe that such conversations are best done dressed and not before or after sex. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk before or after sex (in fact you should) but while in an intimate position on bed, you and your partner are in a more vulnerable and sensitive state of mind. This means, anything you say might be perceived as criticism and reacted to defensively. And that’s exactly what you have to avoid during this conversation.
How To Talk About Sex?
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There are many ways to make this conversation happen. The most obvious way is to talk directly. Although, it is not the easiest! The best way to talk about is by being honest, straight-forward, and confident. You can tell them exactly what you like and in detail. Don’t be a talker, be a good listener as well. Answer every question patiently and do not interrupt when they are talking. If it is too difficult to talk about it, you can write it down. You both can practice this method where you write down what you liked about your last sex, what changes you’d like etc and give it to each other. Another interesting way to have a conversation can be reading or watching sexual content together. You can ask your partner to read/watch something you’d like to experience with them.
Conversation about sex is like any other intense conversation. It’s scary and it’s difficult to talk about, but you got to have it! Always make sure that you create a comfortable space for your partner to have such conversations and be grateful when they do the same for you.