It is really rare that on any day of international importance India gets to take the centre stage, but such is not the case for today, for today is World Population Day. Thanks to the immense amount of unprotected sex that Indians have had and are still having, the number of Indians on the face of earth keep growing with each passing day. Even though this plan of action to make sure that even if the apocalypse hits tomorrow, a handful of Indians will surely survive, is impressive, it is also a mild inconvenience to have so many people living in a limited space. As much as we love our country, I’m sure a lot of us would also appreciate if sweaty armpits weren’t being shoved around our noses on public commute daily. The 2 centimetre gap that the cars maintain from each other while on the road is not good for people with anxiety (aka me) either!
Image Credit: myguru.in
So what makes Indians pop out so many babies like they are a vending machine getting paid to do the job? Even though the loyal patriarchs would like to think that it is because their foreplay game is strong af, the truth is, it is because Indians are mostly bored, sex is a great way to kill time and birth control is still a taboo in this country. An average sanskari Indian woman would rather let society believe that she gave birth to her child from her ear than to let them know that she had sex (refer to one of the two “Great Indian Epics”).
Image Credit: dopl3r.com
Remember the time when Sunny Leone, one of the most searched pornstars in India actually participated in a family show called Big Boss? Remember the amount of hype she got when she started working in Bollywood? Wild times, right? And remember when she got praised for promoting a condom brand in India, perhaps the first Bollywood celebrity to do so? No? Me neither. Because it never happened. Instead there were protests against her promoting “anti-Indian values”.
You got that right folks. Sex is not anti-Indian. Protected sex, however, is. That is the reason why you have to be very discreet while asking for a condom at a medical store. A recommended method is to call the shopkeeper with the “tch tch” noise, refer to the condom as “chhata”,”gubbara” or any damn thing other than its own freaking name, and most importantly, take the disguise of a man if you are not already. They are allowed be anti-Indian at times. If you are a woman and want to buy birth control pills then be ready to battle- a. soft gasps b. judgemental looks of the middle aged shopkeeper who is now thinking of your sex life, c. nosy gossip aunties finding things out d. lots of cancelled rishtas! It’s really time we learn to break stereotypes. Take lessons from Ranveer Singh’s Durex commercial maybe!
This year’s theme for World Population day is “Family Planning is a Human Right.” So in case we Indians don’t want to choke each other to death for a little more of oxygen, we should really take this year’s theme little more seriously!