If you spend enough time on the internet, you will realise that the wave of online shopping has brought forward a trend of businesses selling questionable and sometime downright absurd goods. Sometimes it is nine-foot-long jeans, sometimes it is a stack of cow dung, sometimes a 100 rupee note at the price of INR 699 only or sometimes it is a container full of “air from a BTS concert” at 500 USD (none of these are made up). At this point, one might think they have seen it all and it cannot get any weirder than this.
— Joel Selanikio (@jselanikio) January 20, 2019
Guess what? It can. Now a company is actually selling snot filled tissues to people so that they can get “sick on their own terms”. No, it is not what you are thinking. This is not a satire article. Vaev Tissue, a Los Angeles based company is really, truly selling tissue papers that other sick people have sneezed in. According to the founder of the company, Oliver Niessen, these tissues can be used by people to get sick at their own convenience.
But that is not it. He also thinks that getting sick at a self-chosen time will allow people to get the “cold out of their way” before important days. Something tells us right here that Mr. Niessen might not have been the brightest student in Biology class. It is really hard to decide what is more absurd- these tissues or their price, which is an estimated INR 5000 a box!
— 🐝 (@keek_o_) January 17, 2019
So, now that people are apparently paying to get sick, what next? People paying to build a stupid wall around America that will not even strengthen their security systems?…Oh, wait. Never mind. Following this same school of thinking, we have another absurd product in the market now- a British retailer named Poundland is selling packets of “nothing”, quite literally, for £1 each. It is literally a heart-shaped packet with nothing inside, and is meant to be a gift option for Valentine’s day. Is this a cult that is trying to establish a new world order? Or is this just, what twitter calls, “the audacity of the Caucasity”?
If we are really about to establish this as an acceptable standard of commerce then here are a few more suggestions that might as well be taken into consideration:
- An iPhone with the screen already shattered so that you can avoid the fear of dropping and breaking your brand-new phone’s screen.
- A deodorant that smells like sweat so that you can destroy people’s expectations altogether of you ever smelling good. If they don’t have a scale to measure you, they would not be able to judge you.
- A sunblock that automatically gives you skin cancer so that you do not have to spend your life in anticipation whether or not your skin is protected from UV rays.
Things like this often make one wonder, why on earth did Adam ever swallow that damned apple.