Let us begin by understanding who exactly is a people pleaser? So, a people pleaser is one of the nicest persons you know who is always ready to help everyone. They have no idea how to say “No”. They have made it their life’s mission to be everyone’s favorite which means spending most of their time doing somebody a favor. They are always available and everyone in the family as well as the friend circle can count on them, no matter what.
“Okay, hang on! What’s wrong with this? A people pleaser seems to be a wonderful person!”
Yeah, right. They do! And they are wonderful, at least for others. But what about them, themselves? Being a people pleaser, you might please everybody except yourself! Here’s why.
You, The People Pleaser, Are Taken Advantage Of By The *People*
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Let me introduce you to the doormat syndrome. It is very common phenomenon where the people pleaser, eventually, becomes resigned to having a mentality of a slave. If you are someone who says yes to every request and favor, people will start taking advantage of this nature of yours. You have not set any boundaries when it comes to helping people so nobody really knows if you are being asked to do more than what’s reasonable. They will just keep asking and at one point or the other, it will get overwhelming for you. But you will not be able to do anything about it. So, it is important to realize that pleasing others and doing things for them is not the only way of feeling valued. Draw boundaries and teach others how you deserve to be treated.
Stress. Exhaustion. Misery.
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The act of people pleasing is almost synonymous to stress. You will always have this pressure of doing things, things that do not even have a purpose in your personal life. You will wear all your time out in catering to people’s demands and end up exhausted with no time for yourself. This cycle of stress and exhaustion can lead to extremely unhealthy mental condition.
As a people pleaser, you will pretend to agree with things you don’t believe in, you will toss around fake praises, and so on. This can really take a toll on your mental health. Think about it! You are actually living a life FULL OF LIES. This is bound to make your existence miserable, in the long run.
Learn to say no. Every mature relationship can handle that. Saying no will not make you a devil. Say no to things you cannot afford to do and give honest opinions. Make room for yourself in your life, for YOUR sake? Take some time out for self-care and indulge in small doses of self-love to begin with.
It is important that you start recognizing your own value. Accept the fact that trying to please everyone is like a sickness. The only cure to this sickness is learning to say no. Try and be as real as possible. People will dislike you; some might even hate you, but try to raise yourself above that. You do not need anybody’s validation to shine and live your life on your terms. Just do it!